Current Update on Self

My nannying job is now over and I am in the process of looking for another job.

Also, I have been researching graduate schools within the states of Connecticut and Rhode Island and have been struggling with this due to a few reasons:

The desire to find a school immediately -- getting this "looking" process out of the way:
     -The looking, researching and figuring out costs has been overwhelming for me.  Because not only do I have to consider the classes of the actual program itself (I am going to go into School Counseling) but I have to consider the cost of the school, the location, and also, if I am planning to live in the area and find a job there.

So there is this part of me that wants to get this "looking at schools" process done and over with -- like I want to know exactly where I'm going, I want to already be accepted in the school (haha!).  I'm projecting myself too much into the future, need to be here LOL!

Admissions process:
I have to take the Praxis I exam in order to get into the counseling field.  Therefore, I have to dedicate and set up time where I have to study (which may also mean buy materials/books).  I went on the Praxis website and tried out the math test, and all this anxiety started shooting up in me!  I suddenly felt "under pressure" because these tests are timed, so when I was simply looking at the sample tests this sudden wave of anxiety and wanting to answer them in a small amount of time came over me.  It was interesting to suddenly become aware of this, especially since it was only me sitting by the computer reading, not actually taking the real test.

So, realizing that I have to take the math test, points of anxiety have come up within me, fear of failing the test, possibly getting the answers wrong, having no strength to work through the problem but wanting to give up... thinking I can't answer this problem because a) it's math and  b) I haven't always been good at math c) Belief I'm not good enough/not smart enough.

Now, with the writing test of the Praxis, a sense of pride comes up because I have always been "good" with writing and this section.  Past compliments from my teachers and my father are the reason why I "feel fine" about the writing section.  I stopped that in me.  I realize I can no longer depend on past compliments to define who I am because that was the past.

The whole solution here is for me to stop all judgements, worries and concerns over this Praxis Test and just study until I feel I am ready and comfortable in taking the test.

Leaving MOM & DAD/Taking Self Responsibility
I would really like to experience what it is like to be self-reliable and live on my own, having a job and keeping up with school.  I find it would be of great support for me -- to see what it is like to not depend on mommy or daddy, but to actually become a self-reliable, self-responsible adult.

I admit, I really don't know much of paying taxes or insurance.  I only pay for my credit card bill, cell phone bill and give money to my parents for them to take care of my car insurance.  So what I need to do  really understand and become knowledgeable in these aspects so when I am on my own I know what to do.

It's all about taking care of one's self :)

Thank you for reading!